Heartbreak recovery

Personal Development

Well mind

 Overcoming heartache

image by NafeuseMagazine

Love is wonderful! Who doesn't enjoy receiving and giving love?

However, when his or her heart no longer joins mine, our common interests diminish, and our partnership no longer fuses, the only choice is to break up!

By CHARLENE MINDJE F.

Why should I continue living somewhere that no longer brings me joy? Why should I cause trouble to my happiness when I know there's always something to be grateful for?

Lack of trust, quarrels, communication breakdowns, distrust, dishonesty... The way in which two couples break up depends on how they lived their love story. It is viewed and felt as a source of tremendous relief and release by some. Whereby for others, it is a once-in-a-lifetime hellish experience.

According to research, if a love relationship is built on mutual respect and honesty, the split is likely to be calm. However, this does not guarantee that there will be no discomfort. On the other hand, if the couple has always been in dispute, even over the smallest of issues, there is a good chance that the separation will not be pleasant. For all the possible causes, it is still a difficult condition to get through.

-Keza, 22 years old_

"I truly experienced a fantastic love story with Lionel. I could never imagine being separated from him after two years of closeness. I'll admit that our final minutes together were not exactly peaceful. I couldn't take it anymore when we started arguing all the time. I'm an optimist by nature, therefore I didn't hesitate to terminate a relationship that was growing increasingly unfavorable to both of us."

-Magellan  18 years old_

"It was the difficult period of my adolescence. I wasn't prepared to let her go. I couldn't conceive how I would feel if she left. I experienced this scenario for about 5 months and it did not help me at all."

• Why is it always better to leave each other when nothing is going right?

Breakup occurs in numerous instances, either directly or indirectly. The majority of couples wait until they are exhausted before leaving each other. Where everyone would prefer that the other side take the initiative so that the separation's conscience does not weigh on them. As a result, morality plays a significant part in this situation.

Some people are able to withstand and bear the difficult tensions within a partnership in order to avoid losing their loved ones, or just to avoid the pain of a breakup. Others, on the other hand, do not hesitate to leave the game at the first sight of trouble where they opt to play the red card. Simply, staying in an uncomfortable relationship is far more damaging to them than ending it. And this may be due to fear of growing attached or suffering further.

Nobody ever said it was simple to leave someone you love. Especially if your romantic journey has been enjoyable. Yes, but staying there when nothing else meets your expectations isn't either. It's all backward. The longer you stay in a relationship that does not bring you joy, the worse the consequences will be. it's almost certain that things will get even worse when they arrive at this point. You can't help yourself in this situation, so look at things from a new perspective_the early the best.

Concerned individuals frequently state that they are looking for an opportune occasion to split up with their lovers. However, the more you wait, the less likely you are to recover quickly. Never put off the chance to be free. When the opportunity arrives, do not hesitate to take advantage of it, because nothing is acquired. It's possible that you'll lose it the next day.

A breakup is a matter of survival for most people. Because if a relationship becomes toxic, it may soon become dangerous for the people involved. By keeping to your comfort zone, you may be losing out on a fantastic opportunity to find your true soul mate.

• What are the warning signs of a breakup?

Breakup signs are numerous and differ from one couple to the next. We find, for example: (Toon images by dreatime.com)

I. Chronic disputes

Over a long period, it sometimes happens that the couple does not get along well. At the slightest mistake, they do not hesitate to raise their voices toward each other. Yet in the past forgiveness had power over their feelings.He/She will start finding fault and complaining about everything. But when things go wrong, everything changes. And yes, understand directly that your thoughts are no longer on the same wavelength.

II. lack of communication

When a relationship is fresh and new, the two partners spend hours chatting on the phones or on any other communication platform. Everyone is interested in knowing what the other is doing, or simply hearing their voices, which also gives them supreme pleasure. Overmore, they engage mostly in meeting each other for leisure moments together. But suddenly, the communication cuts off. You no longer feel that urge or the connection when you talk to each other. And this click can even go up to 3 to 5 days without interaction. So if this happens to you, do not go far in reflex. Possible that the breakup is sending you signs.

III. Infidelity

Yes, it happens that your partner no longer feels the flames of love with you, and above all does not hesitate to look elsewhere. This however could be due to several causes. Either coming directly from you, or from your partner. But this case is not too widespread.

IV.Lack of trust

When doubts arise between partners, it is often one of the most embarrassing moments that harm the relationship. Love is based on trust, respect, and affection. When these ingredients are not present in your relationship, then it is clear that love no longer has a place within the two of you.

V. Too many lies

Your partner no longer tells you what is happening on his/her side. Neither you nor anybody else could know what had caused his rapid transformation. Every time you start a conversation with her or him, you always have the impression that S/he is hiding something from you. And most of the time, you are not wrong, because you already know your partner better. From that moment, Understand that his/her ideas have deviated from yours.

VI.Tendency to accept everything

Days ago, you and your partner used to agree on all the points. But when the feeling is no longer reciprocal, your partner tends to escape the conversation by agreeing to whatever you say, without even thinking about it. In this case, they do not share your ideas because he finds no interest in them.

• What happens after a breakup?

As previously said, each person's experience of a couple's separation differs. For some, it is a wonderful sense of relief and release after a period of turmoil and doubt. They give themselves a pleasurable opportunity to break free from a relationship that has made them feel useless and diminished over time. Despite the internal torment of the break, the person recovers and uses the experience in his or her new solitary existence to better explore himself or herself and find personal satisfaction. In other words, they embrace their new circumstances and learn to experience previous ones, giving themselves a second chance to be happy.

-Ornella, 28 years old

"I believed I'd never be able to get back on my feet or fall in love after leaving my partner after four years of dating. I told myself that if he managed to leave me, I would die, just as in the movie. However, this isn't always true. True, I had the sensation of being outside of my body at the time, and that I had my heart lodged in my mouth to the point where I could spit it out with the least tremor. It's been far too long since I've been sad. However, I eventually realized that it was only a question of time. Everything is different today. I've discovered a brand-new way of living and I am content.I'm now married and have a beautiful son with my new partner, which I could never have imagined before."

After a breakup, imagining ourselves in a new relationship has always been challenging. Most of the time, it's the fear of falling in love again that prevents people from breaking free from their poisonous relationship. A thousand notions can interfere with our minds to the point where we believe we can't live without one or the other.

Based on scientific studies, these kinds of situations can affect the victim physically and mentally. withdrawing symptoms like; Weight loss, lack of self-esteem, insomnia, masturbation, jealousy, depression, suicide, and many others. Find  further symptoms, treatment, and support for break up in the link below:(Medically reviewed by Timothy J. Legg, Ph.D., PsyD)

https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/after-break-up

-Isaac,31 years old.

"My separation with Leila had caused me a lot of pain. We've been separated for two years, yet I still can't get over it. Nonetheless, she has already begun her new life with someone else. I can't stop revisiting all the nice times I had with my ex in my thoughts.I try a thousand different ways to contact her, but she refuses to respond. Suddenly, I find it difficult to live with my bitterness."

Under the influence of our companion at the time, it is normal that we cannot imagine living without our partner and we then perceive the breakup as endless anguish. However, once these anxieties have passed, we go back to living and finding ourselves as we were before. Eventually. this truth is difficult to understand for the majority of people who suffer from it, but over time, we always manage to recognize it better. It all depends on how you want to live your life. If you want to heal from your anxiety, then it all comes down to what you feed your ideas. It's just a matter of attracting to yourself what you desire. More about  "the law of attraction"

Getting back together after a breakup?

Although this is not the case for every separated couple, many nevertheless consider getting back together after a breakup in order to reconstruct their history—this time without flaws. Could it, however, work...?

"YES":

A breakup can sometimes save a relationship. In the same way that the separation between the two partners helps them comprehend the importance of each other, or simply that the separation lets them mature a bit more on their own. These types of incidents are becoming more common in real life. However, according to a 2018 American study, these types of couples come to love one other considerably more when they get back together – even beyond having a family for life.

"NO".

Going back together may work well for some couples, but it may not be so for others. Reuniting does not always imply that you still love or esteem one other. After a period of separation, it could just be a lack of each other. Alternatively, a simple click in the mood change. Relationships like these don't survive very long. Because as soon as this void is filled, the urge to reunite will go. Don't be fooled by your emotional swings.

Take these moments of destruction as opportunities for construction rather than a distraction. However, if you feel it's becoming increasingly weird and difficult to handle on your own, get help from your trusted friends and family. If that doesn't work, make an appointment with your psychiatrist. Because confiding in trusted people about your troubles allows you to let go of your burden. And this is the most important step in recovering from your depression.

After all, the tragedy of losing your beloved should not make you forget the joy of knowing him or her. Avoid saying anything negative or derogatory about him/her after you've broken up_ You never know what life has in store for you, and he or she may have been designed for you in the future. So, for your own good, keep your peace and his/hers.

 SUGGESTIONS-ADVICES 

1. Do ages have an impact on how heartache can be experienced?             

Love doesn't normally belong to a specific range of age. Whether 20 or 70, we all experience it. As a result, it is seen differently depending on our psychological level. Same thing for the breakup. It's a tear like any other, no matter how old you are. The only difference is that it depends on our experience since it varies and evolves with us

           2. Breakup is not synonymous with " I won't be able to love again"

On the contrary, we must always see things on the bright side. Thanks to that break, life is going to provide you with a whole new opportunity to live better and discover yourself, with a new whole character. Attaching yourself to the worst will only destroy your inner happiness. So, take a time to suffer a little in order to be happy and free for a long time next. Don’t go through it, but grow through.

            3. What if I can't end my toxic relationship?

First, you have to know that you are not the only person to have gone through this. Second, it is normal to feel reluctant when you face this situation. Like any beginning, it is not easy to take the first action. But when, you break your fear, and dare to take the risk, that’s when you rejoice in the decision made. Moreover, note that you will not recover immediately, but it is a question of discipline and time. One thing is for sure; if your ex is supposed to be with you all his/her life, well, nothing will stop him/her from being – not even your disband.

              4. How to forget my ex?

Forget? Never! Unfortunately, there are no miracle cures to forget your ex. Many people are wrong about this. You can't forget your ex, but rather you can get over his/her absence. So how do you plan to proceed? By looking at your ugliest photos of you when you were together? Or by creating a whole new Facebook account with a sexy photo of you to be in contact with him? Get closer to his friends, so that they play the messengers for you? These facts can only make the situation even worse. It's like trying to heal the wound, by repeating the same actions that caused it. However, get rid of anything that might remind you of him/her. Think about adopting a brand-new style of yourself, doing new things, meeting new fellas, change your environment if possible. Change is key when we want to recover from our griefs.

5. How to engage myself into a new relationstionship after a breakup?

Recovering from a breakup is one thing, but getting to start a whole new romantic relationship is another. The secret is first to accept your separation and grieve as soon as possible. It is then that you will free your heart and give way to new relationships.

For further comprehension of the breakup and how to overcome it, Jordan Peterson- a Canadian clinical psychologist, YouTube personality, author, and a professor emeritus at the University of Alberta , shared in his video on youtube  some tips on "how to get over break up faster."

Click on the following link:https://youtu.be/6-ruYWh-548

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***Question of the day:***

Do you think modern science can cure heartache? Why? Share your ideas in the comment.!